i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
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Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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