Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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