I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
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The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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