mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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