OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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