I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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