Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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