just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
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the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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