I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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