Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
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If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
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how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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