I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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