I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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