Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
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we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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