Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i drank out of a bidet.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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