You work out of a Hotel?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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