Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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