shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize