I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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