So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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