well I can't set my house on fire every night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
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As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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