Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
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I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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