Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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