Kiss
Puke
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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