U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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