Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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