I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
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I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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