Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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