I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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