I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize