Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize