The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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