Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize