Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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