my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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