Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize