can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize