we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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