dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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