Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
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I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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