Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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