I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
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I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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