There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
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i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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