break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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