why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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