If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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