my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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