It's Friday. Sex?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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