Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
A+ Viking dick
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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