in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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