yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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